Space Travel
by Jessica-Lilian
Summary: SongFic to Yellowcard's 'Space Travel', set in Deathly Hallows just after Ron leaves Harry and Hermione.


**Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter, or the song used in this fic**

_***Space Travel ~ Yellowcard***_

I sat up in my bed panting and covered in cold sweat. I looked around the empty tent. Hermione was outside on watch. It'd been a week since Ron had left us and we'd both felt more isolated and alone than ever. I'd heard her stay up some nights just crying into her pillow. I wished I could comfort her, but I knew that nothing could make her feel better unless he came back. Remembering how he walked out on us – on 'Mione, I couldn't help but wonder if that was how Ginny had felt after I'd tried to break up with her.

Ginny.

I'd never have thought that she'd be the subject of my nightmares, but she was tonight. I'd gone to bed extra early so that I could take watch in the early hours of the morning and 'Mione could get some sleep.

Maybe it was because I'd been wearing the Horcrux all day, or maybe it was because I'd been feeling even more alone without Ron here. I don't know, but there was a small, vindictive voice that seeped its way into my conscience and planted doubt. In the nightmare, it had been me and her, after it was all over, and I'd beaten Voldemort and the war was won. Usually that'd be a good dream for me, but this wasn't. For a few seconds, we were just standing there, but then she'd looked at me, and turned around and walked away. And then I'd been chasing after her (through the forbidden forest, of all places) but I couldn't keep up. And a few times I'd be so close, but when I'd reach out for her she turned a corner, like we were in a maze. Then I'd follow and she'd be turning again, almost out of my sight. That was when the voice had made itself known.

"It's pointless chasing after her, you know. You'll never catch up. She'll never want you, she doesn't care about you after what you did; you're not good enough," it said.

I tried to ignore it, and kept running after Ginny, but it kept getting louder and louder with every turn she made. This had continued until I'd finally been left alone, in the middle of the forest with nothing to think about but that look in her eyes right before she'd left. The worst thing about that look wasn't the pity, but the regret: it was as if she regretted ever loving me at all. After everything I'd put her through, ignoring her all those years, then giving her everything she'd wanted and then throwing it all back in her face, I could understand the regret, on some level. It wouldn't surprise me if she never wanted to see me again after this. But it was the walking away that bothered me. It just so wasn't Ginny. She wasn't the type to just give up like that. And the way she'd kept running was almost like she didn't care that she'd left me here, completely alone and isolated from everyone. Every_thing_. Then the voice returned, saying that it'd be better to just give up on her before she could quit. But I couldn't do that, it would be stupid; that way I'll have no one, and Voldemort will win.

_**I heard a voice last night**_

_**It said, "Wake up and open your eyes**_

_**Wake up, walk out tonight**_

_**'Cause she don't care if you're **_

_**Dead or alive, dead or alive"**_

That dream struck a nerve. I couldn't help but think about it because I'd been worrying about that since we left the chaos that was Bill and Fleur's wedding. It was completely stupid to say those things and hope that she'd wait for me. I mean, what if when we got back – assuming, of course, that we all make it out of this alive – she'd decided that I wasn't worth it after all, or worse: found someone else? Don't the Muggles say that dreams are our subconsciousness trying to break through? If that's true then I'm screwed. My subconscious was the only escape from all the things I said that hurt Ginny; my dreams were the only place we could be together while I'm here. I don't know what I'd do if I lost that hope.

Realising that I wasn't going to get back to sleep now, I decided to wait for 'Mione to finish watch. I would have relieved her, but I needed a break before I was alone with my thoughts again.

Sighing, I decided to do the only thing that held any interest for me these days: I pulled out the Marauders Map. As I searched for Ginny, it occurred to me that this might be considered a little bit creepy to a third party observer, but I didn't really care; it was the only link I had to her right now.

_**She moves like beams of light**_

_**Straight through this universe in my head**_

_**Where I get peace of mind**_

_**I'm free from the stupid things that I said**_

_**She's all in my head**_

_**Did I get lost while I was gone?**_

_**I travelled space for much too long**_

_**But there's a planet I have found**_

_**And you are far away**_

As I sat there, my eyes following her every move on the Marauders Map, I remembered those few weeks at Hogwarts that we had together. It was like watching moments of someone else's life on the television. I could remember her smiling face as we sat in the sun by the lake. The way her whole face lit up and how her eyes would sparkle with mischief. I remembered when she got that blazing look in her eyes, like the first time we kissed after the Quidditch Cup final. I remembered how I'd always get lost in that look, and how it felt like there was nothing in the entire universe but the two of us, and I didn't have worry about putting her life in danger, or the prophecy and destroying Voldemort. I didn't have to worry about it, because when she looked at me like that, I felt like I could walk on air; like I could take on Voldemort and win, so none of it mattered.

As I watched her move from the common room to her dorm, I thought about all those things and I felt stupid and guilty and sad and relieved all at the same time. I felt stupid and sad for giving up the single best thing in my entire existence, and pushing her away when she'd given everything to me. But then that made me feel guilty because I shouldn't _want _to put her in danger that way, but I couldn't help but wish that she was here with me and we were still together. And finally I felt relieved because, although with Snape and the Carrows at Hogwarts none of them were really all that safe, she hadn't been specifically targeted or picked out or killed because she was the girlfriend of "Undesirable Number One".

_**Somewhere behind her eyes**_

_**Some supernatural energy**_

_**Takes me for quite the ride**_

_**Across time where I defy gravity**_

_**Or this energy**_

I don't know how long I'd been looking at the map for, but eventually I decided to put it away. Wishful thinking never got anyone anywhere. Sighing, I walked out of the tent and straight up to Hermione. She half-smiled when she saw me approach her, like she was pleased to finally be off-duty. But neither of us really wanted to be here.

She went inside and I was left alone again. As I sat down I felt something thump against my chest. Looking down, I saw Slytherin's locket. I hated wearing the filthy thing around my neck.

Maybe I was just being over-paranoid, but I always got the feeling it was just waiting for the chance to try and strangle me. I always felt stupid whenever I thought that because it was like something a little kid would think after they saw it happen in a scary movie.

But more importantly, I never felt like myself when I was wearing it. I was pretty sure that the Horcrux was responsible for my steadily worsening nightmares, my miserable mood, and the fact that my paranoia levels were now as high as Moody's had been. I was afraid that after so long, the effects would be irreversible. I was afraid that, when this was all over, I'd be a completely different person: one who doubts and questions everything, who jumps at the sight of his own shadow. If I became those things, I wouldn't be _me_ anymore.

I wasn't religious, and I hadn't just decided to turn to any kind of religion in an hour of need, but I prayed to whatever deity was out there that this would all be over soon, and that me and 'Mione could go home. She would be able to fix her parents' memories and they could return to England. And she could be with Ron. She'd need him after this. I recognised that, because it was the same for me and Ginny.

I'd never really had a home until I went to Hogwarts, and I probably wouldn't get a chance to go back there. I'd finally been able to leave the Dursley's for good, not that I'd ever felt at home there. The only other place I'd thought of as home was the Burrow. But right now I felt further away from any of those places than I'd ever been. I felt like I'd stepped into a t.v. show and now I was in an alternate universe.

Thinking of the Burrow made me wonder if Ron was there, with the rest of his family. I felt a twinge of jealousy because he got to be there when 'Mione and I couldn't. Suddenly I felt that jealousy increase, nearing rage, so I threw the Horcrux down on the ground. But I still thought about the Burrow, and Ginny; the only place I'd ever really feel at home, with her. I found myself wishing that I was there, but cut off that train of thought before I got too depressed. Slamming my head back against a tree, and letting out a growl of frustration, I resigned myself to night of solitude and misery, and hoped that we'd be home soon.

_**Did I get lost while I was gone?**_

_**I travelled space for much too long**_

_**But there's a planet I have found**_

_**And you are far away, for now**_

_**Did I get lost while I was gone?**_

_**I travelled space for much too long**_

_**Did I get lost while I was gone?**_

_**I travelled space for much too long**_

_**But there's a planet I have found**_

_**And you are far away, far away**_

_**You are far away**_

_**You are far away, for now**_


End file.
